20 Jul Absent Father
Ok, feeling a little emotional tonight. I feel like I’m just a bit of a shitty dad at the moment. Just short tempered, tired, poorly, angry etc. Taking out on the little ones. It’s not their fault, I’m extremely stressed with work as we’re due to go on a holiday next week. 3 weeks off for me is unheard of, so I’m working every waking hour to make up for my lack of appearances over the next 15 working days. But my patience is so short at the moment, I’m not giving anyone any leeway.
I’ve read a lot of articles today about finding work/life/dad balance. It’s all easier said than done. Because if I don’t work as hard as I do, the business suffers and we’re not able to afford to go on nice holidays. And I truly believe holidays are really important in particular for our family. Getting away from the day to day distractions of the never ending to-do list. Homework, washing, web designs, emails, shopping, more washing, cleaning, feeding, more washing… you get the picture. Me and my wife are a big culprits of the to do list (her more so than me), rather than embracing the chaos that is life with three kids, we get worked up and stressed by what “needs to be done”. That list is never going to be empty, so why get so worked up by it?
I don’t really know why I started writing this tonight, my to do list is ridiculous. It’s 23:30 and I’m not even remotely close to leaving, I haven’t eaten dinner… just some nuts and malteasers. Not doing myself any favours. But I’m really sad that I haven’t got home to give my kids a squeeze. I’m actually really looking forward to that now.
But I guess I’m writing this as it helps me put some perspective into why I do what I do. I’m working my butt off so I can have a fantastic 3 weeks enjoying my kids and their crazy little personalities. I can’t wait to see Bean and Bear swim, as I’ve been hearing great things from their swimming lessons. And it’s Boo’s first time on a plane, so that’s going to be an experience for all concerned… especially as she’s two weeks into potty training… so 9 hour flight could be interesting.
I want to make more of an effort with my blog. But more importantly, want to make more of an effort with my kids and wife. Need to be more than just a provider. Euerr, yuck, emotions are rubbish.